I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
