He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
