This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
