Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im holly from the hills drunk
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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