I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
