Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
wanna go halves on a baby?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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