I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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