I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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