My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize