You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
