Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
