I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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