Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
