Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
