he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
