It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
