broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
