i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
