So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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