Define "chronic" masturbator.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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