I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
