Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
