Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
