I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
