last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
