Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
