i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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