Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
