I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
