Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
