The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
