He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
