Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
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It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
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Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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