i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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