his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
