i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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