Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
a search helicopter?!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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