Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
