My sheets look like a crime scene.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
