The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
