I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
