In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I believe in your delicious
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
