i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
