Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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