just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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