well I can't set my house on fire every night
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
