she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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