You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
