the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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