Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
