Where did you get a picture of my penis
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
