I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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