Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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