I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So squirting runs in the family.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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