So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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