I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
