Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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