btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
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Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table