i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.