I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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