Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
