Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
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