there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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