Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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