standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
