I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
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i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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