I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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