And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
