I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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