One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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