I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
