Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
