listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
