he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
