There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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