Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
